These Advice shared by My Parent That Helped Me when I became a New Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. How can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a show of being weak to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - going on a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has changed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "poor choices" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as an escape from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that are harmful," he explains. "They may temporarily change how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before having a baby. Examples include playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I said, at times I think my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."